The Comte de Lormerin had just finished dressing himself. He cast a parting glance at the large glass, which occupied an entire panel of his dressing-room, and smiled.
He was really a fine-looking man still, though he was quite gray. Tall, slight, elegant, with no projecting paunch, with a scanty moustache of doubtful shade in his thin face, which seemed fair rather than white, he had presence, that “chic” in short, that indescribable something which establishes between two men more difference than millions.
He murmured, “Lormerin is still alive!”
And he made his way into the drawing-room where his correspondence awaited him.
On his table, where everything had its place, the work-table of the gentleman who never works, there were a dozen letters lying beside three newspapers of different opinions. With a single touch of the finger he exposed to view all these letters, like a gambler giving the choice of a card; and he scanned the handwriting, a thing he did each morning before tearing open the envelopes.
It was for him a moment of delightful expectancy, of inquiry and vague anxiety. What did these sealed mysterious papers bring him? What did they contain of pleasure, of happiness, or of grief? He surveyed them with a rapid sweep of the eye, recognizing in each case the hand that wrote them, selecting them, making two or three lots, according to what he expected from them. Here, friends; there, persons to whom he was indifferent; further on, strangers. The last kind always gave him a little uneasiness. What did they want from him? What hand had traced those curious characters full of thoughts, promises, or threats?
This day one letter in particular caught his eye. It was simple nevertheless, without seeming to reveal anything; but he regarded it with disquietude, with a sort of internal shiver.
He thought: “From whom can it be? I certainly know this writing, and yet I can’t identify it.”
He raised it to a level with his face, holding it delicately between two fingers, striving to read through the envelope without making up his mind to open it.
Then he smelled it, and snatched up from the table a little magnifying glass which he used in studying all the niceties of handwriting. He suddenly felt unnerved. “Who is it from? This hand is familiar to me, very familiar. I must have often read its prosings, yes, very often. But this must have been a long, long time ago. Who the deuce can it be from? Pooh! ’tis only from somebody asking for money.”
And he tore open the letter. Then he read.
“My dear Friend, — You have, without doubt, forgotten me, for
it is now twenty-five years since we saw each other. I was
young; I am old. When I bade you farewell, I quitted Paris
in order to follow into the provinces my husband, my old
husband, whom you used to call ‘my hospital.’ Do you
remember him? He died five years ago, and now, I am
returning to Paris to get my daughter married, for I have a
daughter, a beautiful girl of eighteen, whom you have never
seen. I informed you about her entrance into the world, but
you certainly did not pay much attention to so trifling an
“You, you are always the handsome Lormerin; so I have been
told. Well, if you still recollect little Lise, whom you
used to call Lison, come and dine this evening with her,
with the elderly Baronne de Vance, your ever faithful
friend, who, with some emotion, stretches out to you,
without complaining of her lot, a devoted hand, which you
must clasp, but no longer kiss, my poor Jaquelet.
“Lise de Vance.”
Lormerin’s heart began to throb. He remained sunk in his armchair, with the letter on his knees, staring straight before him, overcome by poignant feelings that made the tears mount up to his eyes!
If he had ever loved a woman in his life it was this one, little Lise, Lise de Vance, whom he called “Cinder–Flower” on account of the strange color of her hair, and the pale gray of her eyes. Oh! what a fine, pretty, charming creature she was, this frail Baronne, the wife of that, gouty, pimply Baron, who had abruptly carried her off to the provinces, shut her up, kept her apart through jealousy, through jealousy of the handsome Lormerin.
Yes, he had loved her, and he believed that he, too, had been truly loved. She familiarly gave him the name of Jaquelet, and she used to pronounce that word in an exquisite fashion.
A thousand memories that had been effaced came back to him, far off and sweet and melancholy now. One evening, she called on him on her way home from a ball, and they went out for a stroll in the Bois de Boulogne, she in evening dress, he in his dressing-jacket. It was springtime; the weather was beautiful. The odor of her bodice embalmed the warm air — the odor of her bodice, and also a little, the odor of her skin. What a divine night! When they reached the lake, as the moon’s rays fell across the branches into the water, she began to weep. A little surprised, he asked her why.
“I don’t know. ’Tis the moon and the water that have affected me. Every time I see poetic things, they seize hold of my heart, and I have to cry.”
He smiled, moved himself, considering her feminine emotion charming — the emotion of a poor little woman whom every sensation overwhelms. And he embraced her passionately, stammering:
“My little Lise, you are exquisite.”
What a charming love affair short-lived and dainty it had been, and all over too so quickly, cut short in the midst of its ardor by this old brute of a Baron, who had carried off his wife, and never shown her afterwards to anyone!
Lormerin had forgotten, in good sooth, at the end of two or three months. One woman drives out the other so quickly in Paris when one is a bachelor! No matter he had kept a little chapel for her in his heart, for he had loved her alone! He assured himself now that this was so.
He rose up, and said: “Certainly, I will go and dine with her this evening!”
And instinctively he turned round towards the glass in order to inspect himself from head to foot. He reflected: “She must have grown old unpleasantly, more than I have!” And he felt gratified at the thought of showing himself to her still handsome, still fresh, of astonishing her, perhaps of filling her with emotion, and making her regret those bygone days so far, far distant!
He turned his attention to the other letters. They were not of importance.
The whole day, he kept thinking of this phantom. What was she like now? How funny it was to meet in this way after twenty-five years! Would he alone recognize her?
He made his toilet with feminine coquetry, put on a white waistcoat, which suited him better with the coat, sent for the hairdresser to give him a finishing touch with the curling-iron, for he had preserved his hair, and started very early in order to show his eagerness to see her.
The first thing he saw on entering a pretty drawing-room freshly furnished, was his own portrait, an old faded photograph, dating from the days of his good-fortune, hanging on the wall in an antique silk frame.
He sat down and waited. A door opened behind him. He rose up abruptly, and, turning round, beheld an old woman with white hair who extended both hands towards him.
He seized them, kissed them one after the other with long, long kisses, then, lifting up his head, he gazed at the woman he had loved.
Yes, it was an old lady, an old lady whom he did not recognize, and who, while she smiled, seemed ready to weep.
He could not abstain from murmuring:
“It is you, Lise?”
“Yes, it is I; it is I, indeed. You would not have known me, isn’t that so? I have had so much sorrow — so much sorrow. Sorrow has consumed my life. Look at me now — or rather don’t look at me! But how handsome you have kept — and young! If I had by chance met you in the street, I would have cried, ‘Jaquelet!’ Now sit down and let us, first of all, have a chat. And then I’ll show you my daughter, my grown-up daughter. You’ll see how she resembles me — or rather how I resemble her — no, it is not quite that: she is just like the ‘me’ of former days — you shall see! But I wanted to be alone with you first. I feared that there would be some emotion on my side, at the first moment. Now it is all over; it is past. Pray be seated, my friend.”
He sat down beside her, holding her hand; but he did not know what to say; he did not know this woman — it seemed to him that he had never seen her before. What had he come to do in this house? Of what could he speak? Of the long-ago? What was there in common between him and her? He could no longer recall anything to mind in the presence of this grandmotherly face. He could no longer recall to mind all the nice, tender things so sweet, so bitter, that had assailed his heart, some time since, when he thought of the other, of little Lise, of the dainty Cinder–Flower. What then had become of her, the former one, the one he had loved? that woman of far-off dreams, the blonde with gray eyes, the young one who used to call him “Jaquelet” so prettily?
They remained side by side, motionless, both constrained, troubled, profoundly ill at ease.
As they only talked in commonplace phrases, broken and slow, she rose up, and pressed the button of the bell.
“I am going to call Renee,” she said.
There was a tap at the door, then the rustle of a dress; next, a young voice exclaimed:
“Here I am, mamma!”
Lormerin remained scared, as if at the sight of an apparition.
Then, turning towards the mother:
“Oh! it is you! . . . ”
In fact, it was she, she whom he had known in bygone days, the Lise who had vanished and come back! In her he found the woman he had won twenty-five years before. This one was even younger still, fresher, more childlike.
He felt a wild desire to open his arms, to clasp her to his heart again, murmuring in her ear:
A man-servant announced:
“Dinner is ready, Madame.”
And they proceeded towards the dining-room.
What passed at this dinner? What did they say to him, and what could he say in reply? He found himself plunged in one of those strange dreams which border on insanity. He gazed at the two women with a fixed idea in his mind, a morbid, self-contradictory idea:
“Which is the real one?”
The mother smiled, repeating over and over again:
“Do you remember?” And it was in the bright eye of the young girl that he found again his memories of the past. Twenty times he opened his mouth to say to her: “Do you remember, Lison? — ” forgetting this white-haired lady who was regarding him with looks of tenderness.
And yet there were moments when he no longer felt sure, when he lost his head. He could see that the woman of today was not exactly the woman of long ago. The other one, the former one, had in her voice, in her glance, in her entire being, something which he did not find again. And he made prodigious efforts of mind to recall his lady love, to seize again what had escaped from her to him, what this resuscitated one did not possess.
The Baronne said:
“You have lost your old sprightliness, my poor friend.”
“There are many other things that I have lost!”
But in his heart touched with emotion, he felt his old love springing to life once more, like an awakened wild beast ready to bite him.
The young girl went on chattering, and every now and then some familiar phrase of her mother which she had borrowed, a certain style of speaking and thinking, that resemblance of mind and manner which people acquire by living together, shook Lormerin from head to foot. All these things penetrated him, making the reopened wound of his passion bleed anew.
He got away early, and took a turn along the boulevard. But the image of this young girl pursued him, haunted him, quickened his heart, inflamed his blood. Apart from the two women, he now saw only one, a young one, the one of former days returned, and he loved her as he had loved her in bygone years. He loved her with greater ardor, after an interval of twenty-five years.
He went home to reflect on this strange and terrible thing, and to think on what he should do.
But, as he was passing, with a wax candle in his hand, before the glass, the large glass in which he had contemplated himself and admired himself before he started, he saw reflected there an elderly, gray-haired man; and suddenly he recollected what he had been in olden days, in the days of little Lise. He saw himself charming and handsome, as he had been when he was loved! Then, drawing the light nearer, he looked at himself more closely, as one inspects a strange thing with a magnifying glass, tracing the wrinkles, discovering those frightful ravages, which he had not perceived till now.
And he sat down, crushed at the sight of himself, at the sight of his lamentable image, murmuring:
“All over, Lormerin!”
Last updated Saturday, January 23, 2016 at 13:40