Annales Volusi, cacata charta,
Votum solvite pro mea puella:
Nam sanctae Veneri Cupidinique
Vovit, si sibi restitutus essem
Desissemque truces vibrare iambos, 5
Electissima pessimi poetae
Scripta tardipedi deo daturam
Infelicibus ustulanda lignis.
Et haec pessima se puella vidit
Iocose lepide vovere divis. 10
Nunc, o caeruleo creata ponto,
Quae sanctum Idalium Vriosque portus
Quaeque Ancona Cnidumque harundinosam
Colis quaeque Amathunta quaeque Golgos
Quaeque Durrachium Adriae tabernam, 15
Acceptum face redditumque votum,
Si non inlepidum neque invenustumst.
At vos interea venite in ignem,
Pleni ruris et inficetiarum
Annales Volusi, cacata charta. 20
Volusius’ Annals, paper scum-bewrayed!
Fulfil that promise erst my damsel made;
Who vowed to Holy Venus and her son,
Cupid, should I return to her anon
And cease to brandish iamb-lines accurst, 5
The writ selected erst of bards the worst
She to the limping Godhead would devote
With slowly-burning wood of illest note.
This was the vilest which my girl could find
With vow facetious to the Gods assigned. 10
Now, O Creation of the azure sea,
Holy Idalium, Urian havenry
Haunting, Ancona, Cnidos’ reedy site,
Amathus, Golgos, and the tavern hight
Durrachium — thine Adrian abode — 15
The vow accepting, recognize the vowed
As not unworthy and unhandsome naught.
But do ye meanwhile to the fire be brought,
That teem with boorish jest of sorry blade,
Volusius’ Annals, paper scum-bewrayed. 20
Volusius’ Annals, merdous paper, fulfil ye a vow for my girl: for she vowed to sacred Venus and to Cupid that if I were reunited to her and I desisted hurling savage iambics, she would give the most elect writings of the pettiest poet to the tardy-footed God to be burned with ill-omened wood. And this the saucy minx chose, jocosely and drolly to vow to the gods. Now, O Creation of the cerulean main, who art in sacred Idalium, and in Urian haven, and who doth foster Ancona and reedy Cnidos, Amathus and Golgos, and Dyrrhachium, Adriatic tavern, accept and acknowledge this vow if it lack not grace nor charm. But meantime, hence with ye to the flames, crammed with boorish speech and vapid, Annals of Volusius, merdous paper.
Last updated Sunday, March 27, 2016 at 11:52