The Merry Wives of Windsor, by William Shakespeare

Act II

Scene I. Before Page’s house.

Enter Mistress Page, with a letter

Mistress Page

What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday-time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see.

[Reads] ‘Ask me no reason why I love you; for though Love use Reason for his physician, he admits him not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more am I; go to then, there’s sympathy: you are merry, so am I; ha, ha! then there’s more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I; would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page — at the least, if the love of soldier can suffice — that I love thee. I will not say, pity me; ’tis not a soldier-like phrase: but I say, love me. By me,
Thine own true knight,
By day or night,
Or any kind of light,
With all his might
For thee to fight, John Falstaff’

What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with age to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behavior hath this Flemish drunkard picked — with the devil’s name! — out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What should I say to him? I was then frugal of my mirth: Heaven forgive me! Why, I’ll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings.

Enter Mistress Ford

Mistress Ford

Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house.

Mistress Page

And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill.

Mistress Ford

Nay, I’ll ne’er believe that; I have to show to the contrary.

Mistress Page

Faith, but you do, in my mind.

Mistress Ford

Well, I do then; yet I say I could show you to the contrary. O Mistress Page, give me some counsel!

Mistress Page

What’s the matter, woman?

Mistress Ford

O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour!

Mistress Page

Hang the trifle, woman! take the honour. What is it? dispense with trifles; what is it?

Mistress Ford

If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so,
I could be knighted.

Mistress Page

What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry.

Mistress Ford

We burn daylight: here, read, read; perceive how I might be knighted. I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men’s liking: and yet he would not swear; praised women’s modesty; and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere and keep place together than the Hundredth Psalm to the tune of ‘Green Sleeves.’ What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like?

Mistress Page

Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here’s the twin-brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for different names — sure, more — and these are of the second edition: he will print them, out of doubt; for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.

Mistress Ford

Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words. What doth he think of us?

Mistress Page

Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I’ll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.

Mistress Ford

‘Boarding,’ call you it? I’ll be sure to keep him above deck.

Mistress Page

So will I if he come under my hatches, I’ll never to sea again. Let’s be revenged on him: let’s appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter.

Mistress Ford

Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy.

Mistress Page

Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he’s as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause; and that I hope is an unmeasurable distance.

Mistress Ford

You are the happier woman.

Mistress Page

Let’s consult together against this greasy knight.
Come hither.

They retire

Enter Ford with Pistol, and Page with Nym

Ford

Well, I hope it be not so.

Pistol

Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs:
Sir John affects thy wife.

Ford

Why, sir, my wife is not young.

Pistol

He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor,
Both young and old, one with another, Ford;
He loves the gallimaufry: Ford, perpend.

Ford

Love my wife!

Pistol

With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou,
Like Sir Actaeon he, with Ringwood at thy heels:
O, odious is the name!

Ford

What name, sir?

Pistol

The horn, I say. Farewell.
Take heed, have open eye, for thieves do foot by night:
Take heed, ere summer comes or cuckoo-birds do sing.
Away, Sir Corporal Nym!
Believe it, Page; he speaks sense.

Exit

Ford

[Aside] I will be patient; I will find out this.

Nym

[To Page] And this is true; I like not the humour of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours: I should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I have a sword and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there’s the short and the long. My name is Corporal Nym; I speak and I avouch; ’tis true: my name is Nym and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese, and there’s the humour of it. Adieu.

Exit

Page

‘The humour of it,’ quoth a’! here’s a fellow frights English out of his wits.

Ford

I will seek out Falstaff.

Page

I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue.

Ford

If I do find it: well.

Page

I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest o’ the town commended him for a true man.

Ford

’Twas a good sensible fellow: well.

Page

How now, Meg!

Mistress Page and Mistress Ford come forward

Mistress Page

Whither go you, George? Hark you.

Mistress Ford

How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy?

Ford

I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go.

Mistress Ford

Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head. Now, will you go, Mistress Page?

Mistress Page

Have with you. You’ll come to dinner, George.

Aside to Mistress Ford

Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight.

Mistress Ford

[Aside to Mistress Page] Trust me, I thought on her: she’ll fit it.

Enter Mistress Quickly

Mistress Page

You are come to see my daughter Anne?

Mistress Quickly

Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anne?

Mistress Page

Go in with us and see: we have an hour’s talk with you.

Exeunt Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and Mistress Quickly

Page

How now, Master Ford!

Ford

You heard what this knave told me, did you not?

Page

Yes: and you heard what the other told me?

Ford

Do you think there is truth in them?

Page

Hang ’em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men; very rogues, now they be out of service.

Ford

Were they his men?

Page

Marry, were they.

Ford

I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at the Garter?

Page

Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head.

Ford

I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to turn them together. A man may be too confident: I would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied.

Page

Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes: there is either liquor in his pate or money in his purse when he looks so merrily.

Enter Host

How now, mine host!

Host

How now, bully-rook! thou’rt a gentleman.
Cavaleiro-justice, I say!

Enter Shallow

Shallow

I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go with us? we have sport in hand.

Host

Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook.

Shallow

Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor.

Ford

Good mine host o’ the Garter, a word with you.

Drawing him aside

Host

What sayest thou, my bully-rook?

Shallow

[To Page] Will you go with us to behold it? My merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places; for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be.

They converse apart

Host

Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest-cavaleire?

Ford

None, I protest: but I’ll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him and tell him my name is Brook; only for a jest.

Host

My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress; — said I well? — and thy name shall be Brook. It is a merry knight. Will you go, An-heires?

Shallow

Have with you, mine host.

Page

I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier.

Shallow

Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: ’tis the heart, Master Page; ’tis here, ’tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.

Host

Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag?

Page

Have with you. I would rather hear them scold than fight.

Exeunt Host, Shallow, and Page

Ford

Though Page be a secure fool, an stands so firmly on his wife’s frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily: she was in his company at Page’s house; and what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look further into’t: and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, ’tis labour well bestowed.

Exit

Scene II. A room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Falstaff and Pistol

Falstaff

I will not lend thee a penny.

Pistol

Why, then the world’s mine oyster.
Which I with sword will open.

Falstaff

Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should lay my countenance to pawn; I have grated upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nym; or else you had looked through the grate, like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were good soldiers and tall fellows; and when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took’t upon mine honour thou hadst it not.

Pistol

Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteen pence?

Falstaff

Reason, you rogue, reason: thinkest thou I’ll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about me, I am no gibbet for you. Go. A short knife and a throng! To your manor of Pickt-hatch! Go. You’ll not bear a letter for me, you rogue! you stand upon your honour! Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the terms of my honour precise: I, I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge and to lurch; and yet you, rogue, will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your honour! You will not do it, you!

Pistol

I do relent: what would thou more of man?

Enter Robin

Robin

Sir, here’s a woman would speak with you.

Falstaff

Let her approach.

Enter Mistress Quickly

Mistress Quickly

Give your worship good morrow.

Falstaff

Good morrow, good wife.

Mistress Quickly

Not so, an’t please your worship.

Falstaff

Good maid, then.

Mistress Quickly

I’ll be sworn,
As my mother was, the first hour I was born.

Falstaff

I do believe the swearer. What with me?

Mistress Quickly

Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?

Falstaff

Two thousand, fair woman: and I’ll vouchsafe thee the hearing.

Mistress Quickly

There is one Mistress Ford, sir:— I pray, come a little nearer this ways:— I myself dwell with master Doctor Caius —

Falstaff

Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say —

Mistress Quickly

Your worship says very true: I pray your worship, come a little nearer this ways.

Falstaff

I warrant thee, nobody hears; mine own people, mine own people.

Mistress Quickly

Are they so? God bless them and make them his servants!

Falstaff

Well, Mistress Ford; what of her?

Mistress Quickly

Why, sir, she’s a good creature. Lord Lord! your worship’s a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you and all of us, I pray!

Falstaff

Mistress Ford; come, Mistress Ford —

Mistress Quickly

Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you have brought her into such a canaries as ’tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches, I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest, that would have won any woman’s heart; and, I warrant you, they could never get an eye-wink of her: I had myself twenty angels given me this morning; but I defy all angels, in any such sort, as they say, but in the way of honesty: and, I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her.

Falstaff

But what says she to me? be brief, my good she-Mercury.

Mistress Quickly

Marry, she hath received your letter, for the which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you to notify that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and eleven.

Falstaff

Ten and eleven?

Mistress Quickly

Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the picture, she says, that you wot of: Master Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with him: he’s a very jealousy man: she leads a very frampold life with him, good heart.

Falstaff

Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her; I will not fail her.

Mistress Quickly

Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you too: and let me tell you in your ear, she’s as fartuous a civil modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe’er be the other: and she bade me tell your worship that her husband is seldom from home; but she hopes there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man: surely I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth.

Falstaff

Not I, I assure thee: setting the attractions of my good parts aside I have no other charms.

Mistress Quickly

Blessing on your heart for’t!

Falstaff

But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford’s wife and
Page’s wife acquainted each other how they love me?

Mistress Quickly

That were a jest indeed! they have not so little grace, I hope: that were a trick indeed! but Mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves: her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page; and truly Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does: do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will: and truly she deserves it; for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no remedy.

Falstaff

Why, I will.

Mistress Quickly

Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and in any case have a nay-word, that you may know one another’s mind, and the boy never need to understand any thing; for ’tis not good that children should know any wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world.

Falstaff

Fare thee well: commend me to them both: there’s my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with this woman.

Exeunt Mistress Quickly and Robin

This news distracts me!

Pistol

This punk is one of Cupid’s carriers:
Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights:
Give fire: she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!

Exit

Falstaff

Sayest thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I’ll make more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee. Let them say ’tis grossly done; so it be fairly done, no matter.

Enter Bardolph

Bardolph

Sir John, there’s one Master Brook below would fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your worship a morning’s draught of sack.

Falstaff

Brook is his name?

Bardolph

Ay, sir.

Falstaff

Call him in.

Exit Bardolph

Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o’erflow such liquor. Ah, ha! Mistress Ford and Mistress Page have I encompassed you? go to; via!

Re-enter Bardolph, with Ford disguised

Ford

Bless you, sir!

Falstaff

And you, sir! Would you speak with me?

Ford

I make bold to press with so little preparation upon you.

Falstaff

You’re welcome. What’s your will? Give us leave, drawer.

Exit Bardolph

Ford

Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook.

Falstaff

Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you.

Ford

Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something embolden’d me to this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open.

Falstaff

Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.

Ford

Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me: if you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage.

Falstaff

Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter.

Ford

I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing.

Falstaff

Speak, good Master Brook: I shall be glad to be your servant.

Ford

Sir, I hear you are a scholar — I will be brief with you — and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender.

Falstaff

Very well, sir; proceed.

Ford

There is a gentlewoman in this town; her husband’s name is Ford.

Falstaff

Well, sir.

Ford

I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee’d every slight occasion that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many to know what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued her as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind or, in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel that I have purchased at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say this:

‘Love like a shadow flies when substance love pursues;
Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.’

Falstaff

Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands?

Ford

Never.

Falstaff

Have you importuned her to such a purpose?

Ford

Never.

Falstaff

Of what quality was your love, then?

Ford

Like a fair house built on another man’s ground; so that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place where I erected it.

Falstaff

To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?

Ford

When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some say, that though she appear honest to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her mirth so far that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your place and person, generally allowed for your many war-like, court-like, and learned preparations.

Falstaff

O, sir!

Ford

Believe it, for you know it. There is money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford’s wife: use your art of wooing; win her to consent to you: if any man may, you may as soon as any.

Falstaff

Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.

Ford

O, understand my drift. She dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself: she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I could come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves: I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too too strongly embattled against me. What say you to’t, Sir John?

Falstaff

Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford’s wife.

Ford

O good sir!

Falstaff

I say you shall.

Ford

Want no money, Sir John; you shall want none.

Falstaff

Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you shall want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her own appointment; even as you came in to me, her assistant or go-between parted from me: I say I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave her husband will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed.

Ford

I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, sir?

Falstaff

Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not: yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife seems to me well-favored. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue’s coffer; and there’s my harvest-home.

Ford

I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might avoid him if you saw him.

Falstaff

Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o’er the cuckold’s horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night. Ford’s a knave, and I will aggravate his style; thou, Master Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckold. Come to me soon at night.

Exit

Ford

What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says this is improvident jealousy? my wife hath sent to him; the hour is fixed; the match is made. Would any man have thought this? See the hell of having a false woman! My bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms! names! Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils’ additions, the names of fiends: but Cuckold! Wittol! — Cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass: he will trust his wife; he will not be jealous. I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vitae bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself; then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises; and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. God be praised for my jealousy! Eleven o’clock the hour. I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold!

Exit

Scene III. A field near Windsor.

Enter Doctor Caius and Rugby

Doctor Caius

Jack Rugby!

Rugby

Sir?

Doctor Caius

Vat is de clock, Jack?

Rugby

’Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.

Doctor Caius

By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.

Rugby

He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill him, if he came.

Doctor Caius

By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him.
Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.

Rugby

Alas, sir, I cannot fence.

Doctor Caius

Villany, take your rapier.

Rugby

Forbear; here’s company.

Enter Host, Shallow, Slender, and Page

Host

Bless thee, bully doctor!

Shallow

Save you, Master Doctor Caius!

Page

Now, good master doctor!

Slender

Give you good morrow, sir.

Doctor Caius

Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?

Host

To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Aesculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully stale? is he dead?

Doctor Caius

By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he is not show his face.

Host

Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!

Doctor Caius

I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.

Shallow

He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions. Is it not true, Master Page?

Page

Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace.

Shallow

Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one. Though we are justices and doctors and churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.

Page

’Tis true, Master Shallow.

Shallow

It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace: you have showed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.

Host

Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.

Doctor Caius

Mock-vater! vat is dat?

Host

Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.

Doctor Caius

By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears.

Host

He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.

Doctor Caius

Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?

Host

That is, he will make thee amends.

Doctor Caius

By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it.

Host

And I will provoke him to’t, or let him wag.

Doctor Caius

Me tank you for dat.

Host

And, moreover, bully — but first, master guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore.

Aside to them

Page

Sir Hugh is there, is he?

Host

He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?

Shallow

We will do it.

Page

Shallow

Slender

Adieu, good master doctor.

Exeunt Page, Shallow, and Slender

Doctor Caius

By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page.

Host

Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?

Doctor Caius

By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.

Host

For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne
Page. Said I well?

Doctor Caius

By gar, ’tis good; vell said.

Host

Let us wag, then.

Doctor Caius

Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.

Exeunt

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Last updated Wednesday, March 5, 2014 at 22:30