Three Men in a Boat, by Jerome K. Jerome

Table of Contents

Author's Preface to the First Edition

Chapter

  1. Three Invalids. — Sufferings of George and Harris. — A victim to one hundred and seven fatal maladies. — Useful prescriptions. — Cure for Liver complaint in children. — We agree that we are overworked, and need rest. — A week on the rolling deep? — George suggests the river. — Montmorency lodges an objection. — Original motion carried by majority of three to one.
  2. Plans Discussed. — Pleasures of “Camping-out,” on fine nights. — Ditto, wet nights. — Compromise decided on. — Montmorency, first impressions of. — Fears lest he is too good for this world, Fears subsequently dismissed as groundless. — Meeting adjourns.
  3. Arrangements settled. — Harris’s method of doing work. — How the Elderly, Family-man puts up a picture. — George makes a sensible remark. — Delights of Early Morning Bathing. — Provisions for getting upset.
  4. The Food Question. — Objections to paraffine oil as an Atmosphere. — Advantages of cheese as a travelling companion. — A married woman deserts her home. — Further provision for getting upset. — I pack. — Cussedness of tooth-brushes. — George and Harris pack. — Awful behaviour of Montmorency. — We retire to rest.
  5. Mrs. P. arouses us. — George, the Sluggard. — The “Weather Forecast” Swindle. — Our Luggage. — Depravity of the small boy. — The People gather round us. — We drive off in great style, and arrive at Waterloo. — Innocence of South Western Officials concerning such worldly things as trains. — We are afloat, afloat in an open boat.
  6. Kingston. — Instructive remarks on Early English History. — Instructive observations on carved oak and life in general. — Sad case of Stivvings, Junior. — Musings on Antiquity. — I forget that I am steering. — Interesting result. — Hampton Court Maze. — Harris as a Guide.
  7. The River in its Sunday garb. — Dress on the River. — A chance for the men. — Absence of taste in Harris. — George’s blazer. — A day with the fashion-plate Young Lady. — Mrs. Thomas’s Tomb. — The Man who loves not Graves and Coffins and Skulls. — Harris Mad. — His views on George and banks and lemonade. — He performs tricks.
  8. Blackmailing. — The proper course to pursue. — Selfish boorishness of river-side landowner. — “Notice” Boards. — Unchristianlike feelings of Harris. — How Harris sings a comic song. — A high-class party. — Shameful conduct of two abandoned young men. — Some useless information. — George buys a Banjo.
  9. George is introduced to Work. — Heathenish instincts of tow-lines. — Ungrateful conduct of a double-sculling skiff. — Towers and Towed. — A use discovered for Lovers. — Strange disappearance of an Elderly Lady. — Much Haste, Less Speed. — Being Towed by Girls: Exciting Sensation. — The Missing Lock or the Haunted River. — Music. — Saved!
  10. Our first night. — Under canvas. — An appeal for help. — Contrariness of tea-kettles, how to overcome. — Supper. — How to feel virtuous. — Wanted! a comfortably-appointed, well-drained Desert Island, neighbourhood of South Pacific Ocean preferred. — Funny thing that happened to George’s Father. — A restless night.
  11. How George, once upon a time, got up early in the morning. — George, Harris, and Montmorency do not like the look of the cold water. — Heroism and determination on the part of J. — George and his shirt: Story with a Moral. — Harris as cook. — Historical retrospect, specially inserted for the use of Schools.
  12. Henry VIII. and Anne Boleyn. — Disadvantages of Living in same house with Pair of Lovers. — A Trying Time for the English Nation. — A Night Search for the Picturesque. — Homeless and Houseless. — Harris prepares to die. — An Angel comes along. — Effect of Sudden Joy on Harris. — A Little Supper. — Lunch. — High Price for Mustard. — A Fearful Battle. — Maidenhead. — Sailing. — Three Fishers. — We are Cursed.
  13. Marlow. — Bisham Abbey. — The Medmenham Monks. — Montmorency thinks he will murder an old tom cat. — But eventually decides that he will let it live. — Shameful Conduct of a Fox Terrier at the Civil Service Stores. — Our Departure from Marlow. — An Imposing Procession. — The Steam Launch, useful receipts for annoying and hindering it. — We Decline to Drink the River. — A Peaceful Dog. — Strange Disappearance of Harris and a Pie.
  14. Wargrave. — Waxworks. — Sonning. — Our Stew. — Montmorency is Sarcastic. — Fight between Montmorency and the tea-kettle. — George’s Banjo Studies. — Meet with Discouragement. — Difficulties in the way of the Musical Amateur. — Learning to Play the Bagpipes. — Harris feels sad after Supper. — George and I go for a walk. — Return hungry and wet. — There is a Strangeness about Harris. — Harris and the Swans, a remarkable story. — Harris has a troubled night.
  15. Household Duties. — Love of Work. — The Old River Hand, what he does and what he tells you he has done. — Scepticism of the New Generation. — Early Boating Recollections. — Rafting. — George does the Thing in Style. — The Old Boatman, his method. — So Calm, so full of peace. — The Beginner. — Punting. — A Sad Accident. — Pleasures of Friendship. — Sailing, my first experience. — Possible reason why we were not Drowned.
  16. Reading. — We are towed by Steam Launch. — Irritating behaviour of small boats. — How they get in the way of Steam Launches. — George and Harris again shirk their work. — Rather a Hackneyed Story. — Streatley and Goring.
  17. Washing Day. — Fish and Fishers. — On the Art of Angling. — A Conscientious Fly-fisher. — A Fishy Story.
  18. Locks. — George and I are Photographed. — Wallingford. — Dorchester. — Abingdon. — A Family Man. — A Good Spot for Drowning. — A Difficult Bit of Water. — Demoralizing effect of River Air.
  19. Oxford. — Montmorency’s Idea of Heaven. — The Hired Up-river Boat, its Beauties and Advantages. — The “Pride of the Thames.” — The Weather Changes. — The River under Different Aspects. — Not a Cheerful Evening. — Yearnings for the Unattainable. — The Cheery Chat goes Round. — George performs upon the Banjo. — A Mournful Melody. — Another Wet Day. — Flight. — A Little Supper and a Toast.

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Last updated Monday, March 17, 2014 at 17:11